I only hope to achieve all 8 - and have money!

The 8 Qualities of a Wealthy Woman

By Suze Orman

Posted Monday, February 12, 2007, 3:00AM

What keeps women from achieving the financial security they -- and their families -- deserve? I believe the root of the problem lies in the dysfunctional relationship women have with money.

That's the launching point for my new book, "Women & Money: Owning the Power to Control Your Destiny." My message to all women: Owning the power to control your destiny requires more than 401(k)s and Roth IRAs. It requires reconditioning from the inside. In this excerpt from "Women & Money," I discuss the eight qualities of wealthy women.

Qualities 1 and 2: Harmony and Balance

Harmony is an agreement in feeling, approach, and sympathy. It is the pleasing interaction between what you think, feel, say, and do.

Balance is a state of emotional and rational stability in which you are calm and able to make sound decisions and judgments.

Harmony and balance are perhaps the most important qualities of all, for they serve as the foundation for the remaining qualities. When you possess true inner harmony, what you think, say, feel, and do is one. We are so accustomed to this split-screen state of mind in which we think one thing, say another, feel something else, and act in a way that has nothing to do with what we just thought, said, or felt. When your thoughts, feelings, words, and actions are not in harmony, it shows up as an imbalance -- you feel agitated, uncomfortable, you sense something is off, so you find it difficult to make rational, calm decisions. This is why these two qualities are a pair.

Quality 3: Courage

Courage is the ability to face danger, difficulty, uncertainty, or pain without being overcome by fear or being deflected from a chosen course of action.

Courage gives harmony expression. When your thoughts and feelings are one, courage helps you manifest them in the form of words and actions. When you are afraid to speak or act, courage helps you overcome your fear. Courage gives you the ability to speak your truth, even when it is not what others may want to hear.

Fear is usually what stands between us and our courage. But if we are to embrace this quality of courage to its fullest, we can no longer allow ourselves to hide behind fear. You can meditate on your fear and think about it rationally and try to will it away, but in the end, if fear is preventing you from acting, you must find your courage and act to overcome your fear.

Quality 4: Generosity

Generosity is when you give the right thing to the right person at the right time -- and it benefits both of you.

Generosity is a quality that most women can tap into very easily -- maybe too easily. As women, we tend to be overly generous with our time, support, love, and money -- but giving simply for the sake of giving does not match the definition of true generosity.

True generosity goes far beyond what you give to others. In giving there is a power, an understanding that you are just the vessel that wealth or energy flows through. You allow money to come in through your hands and out through your heart. To be empowered to give, to be moved to give straight from the heart, is a feeling that all the money in the world could never buy. So let me ask you: Is that how you feel when you constantly give of yourself? Do you feel enhanced or do you feel diminished? You think of yourself as a giver, as generous with your time, your talent, your money. Others probably describe you as a generous woman, but if I were to look at you, I might think you give for the wrong reasons. Do you give because you feel that you should? Do you give out of guilt or embarrassment? Understand that true generosity is as much about the one who gives as it is about the one who receives. If an act of generosity benefits the receiver but saps the giver, then it is not true generosity.

Quality 5: Happiness

Happiness is a state of well-being and contentment.

When you find the courage to live your life in harmony and balance, when you understand and practice generosity in the truest sense, happiness spontaneously appears. When you are happy, you are open and accessible. When you are happy, you tend to be more optimistic. You approach new challenges with a clear mind that seeks positive solutions. You see possibilities rather than problems.

Happiness is not a luxury. It is a necessity for true wealth. When you are happy, you have the satisfaction of knowing that your actions come from a place of purity and balance, that they are correct and generous and kind. There are no regrets in this state of happiness -- and that's a goal worth striving for in all areas of your life.

Quality 6: Wisdom

Wisdom is the knowledge and experience needed to make sensible decisions and judgments, or the good sense shown by the decisions and judgments made from an accumulated knowledge of life that has been gained through experience.

The quality of wisdom is more than intellectual, and it is in no way related to how much schooling you have. Exercising wisdom requires cutting through the noise of life and tapping into your core beliefs to make thoughtful decisions. Wisdom results from inhabiting all the qualities that came before it. A wise woman recognizes when her life is out of balance and summons the courage to act to correct it. A wise woman knows the meaning of true generosity. A wise woman knows happiness is the reward for a life lived in harmony, with courage and grace. A wise woman knows how to summon her courage and do what is right, rather than what is easy.

Quality 7: Cleanliness

Cleanliness is a state of purity, clarity, and precision.

Cleanliness is about respecting the importance of order and organization. When you don't know where your money is, when you have no filing system for your important documents, when you dive into your pocketbook to pull out crumpled bills, when your car looks like a garbage can, when your closets are filled with junk and clutter -- you cannot possibly be a wealthy woman. You need to clean up your act -- quite literally -- to bring true wealth into your life. In India, women sweep the front entrance to their home each morning as a way of welcoming Lakshmi, the goddess of material and spiritual abundance, into their home, for there is a belief that she resides at the threshold of every house. In order for her to enter, she must have a clear path.

You might be reading this and thinking that cleanliness is nice but not essential to your financial well-being. I am here to tell you that if this quality is not up front and center, wealth will elude you and you will be left with the mess that you created. Respect the power of this quality of cleanliness. Tell the universe that you have cleared the path for wealth and abundance to enter.

Quality 8: Beauty

Beauty is the quality or aggregate of qualities in a person that gives pleasure to the senses or pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit.

Beauty is what you create when you incorporate the other seven qualities into your life. When you take the steps to have harmony, balance, courage, generosity, happiness, wisdom, cleanliness, and beauty in your life, you will exude confidence in who you are. And there is nothing more beautiful than a confident woman. Remember, when you are confident you feel secure, and when you feel secure you have no fear. And when you have no fear, you have the courage to say what you think and feel in a calm and wise way. And when you are calm, you make wise decisions with your money, which then allows you to be truly generous to others as well as yourself, which, in turn, makes you a happy, powerful, and beautiful woman. Do you see how all of these qualities work together to help you arrive at the goal of being a woman in control of her destiny?

Summoning the 8 Qualities

I've noticed, in my own life and in others', that the more you summon these qualities, the easier they are to access. Harmony yearns for more harmony, and balance abhors imbalance. Courage begets greater courage. Once you are generous in the right way, a lesser form of generosity will feel inferior to you. True happiness will never permit you to settle for a lesser form of happiness. Cleanliness recoils at disorder. Wisdom, once achieved, is with you forever, and beauty inspires beauty in all things.

Carry these qualities with you throughout your life. Write them on a notecard and keep them close at hand -- in your wallet or in your pocket. Make it into a talisman to guide you every day as you make your way through life and all its impossible demands. These qualities will keep you focused and tranquil. Let them and they will offer you constant reassurance that you are acting powerfully and correctly, with love in your heart and the purest intentions, to realize your goals of security and comfort for yourself and all you love.

That's more like it

Broadcaster to pay $2M in bomb scare

By GLEN JOHNSON, Associated Press Writer 52 minutes ago

BOSTON - Turner Broadcasting Systems and Interference Inc. have agreed to pay $2 million for a Cartoon Network advertising campaign that caused a widespread bomb scare, the attorney general said Monday. The agreement with several state and local agencies resolves any potential civil or criminal claims against the companies, said Attorney General Martha Coakley.

More than three dozen blinking electronic signs with a boxy cartoon character giving an obscene hand gesture were found Wednesday in Boston, Cambridge and Somerville. The signs, part of a publicity campaign for Cartoon Network's "Aqua Teen Hunger Force," also appeared in nine other big U.S. cities in recent weeks, with little interest.

But in Boston, bomb squads responded to reports of the devices in a subway station, on bridges and elsewhere.

As part of the settlement, $1 million will be used to reimburse the agencies and $1 million will be used to fund homeland security and other programs. Turner Broadcasting, a division of Time Warner Inc., and Interference Inc. also will issue a public statement accepting full responsibility and apologizing for the incident.

"Last week's events caused a major disruption in the greater Boston area on many levels — crippling public transportation, causing serious traffic problems, negatively affecting local businesses and perhaps most significantly, costing Boston and surrounding communities thousands of dollars," Coakley said.

Turner released a statement again taking responsibility for the "unconventional marketing tactic" and apologizing for hardships caused to Boston area residents.

"We understand now that in today's post-Sept. 11 environment, it was reasonable and appropriate for citizens and law enforcement officials to take any perceived threat posed by our light boards very seriously and to respond as they did," the statement said.

The company said it was reviewing its policies concerning local marketing efforts and strategies to ensure that they are not disruptive or perceived as threatening.

Authorities say two men were paid to hang the signs around the city. Peter Berdovsky, 27, and Sean Stevens, 28, have pleaded not guilty to placing a hoax device and disorderly conduct.

Coakley said prosecutors were in discussions with the men's attorneys to resolve the charges before a trial.

When PR goes bad

Today on CNN they're reporting that several lighted circuit boards, funky ads promoting the new Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie and placed around busy areas in Boston, were mistaken for bombs. According to the poor art students who put them there, they've been in place for more than two weeks. What does this say for our counterterrorism policing? And why weren't the boards more clearly marked as advertising, or at least an attempt at it? They were placed in odd areas like underpasses, and subway tunnels, and were just a couple of feet in size. The boards were placed in several large cities including NYC and Seattle, where they had over 50.

I've never seen Aqua Teen Hunger Force, but this seems like a pretty sick way to promote it, not to mention bizarre. Turner Broadcasting, with its silly idea, wasted about $500,000 of the taxpayers' money, and that's just in Boston, because they had to bring out the bomb squads, shut down the subways and roadways for quite some time Wednesday.

We can't take frigging shampoo on a plane but these students figured out a way into subway tunnels and other supposedly secure places, and hang up battery-operated blinking signs, in several large metro populations without anyone noticing for weeks.

Happy 2007 - and it should be!

Hello you stalwart readers of my blog (I know who most of you are...). Happy 2007!

I came across an article today about how to attend MIT (and many other large universities) for free. It involves twoOpen Courseware websites:

the MIT site (ocw.mit.edu)

the OCW consortium (ocwconsortium.org)

Both places you can just sign up for classes. Only 26 have video lectures available, but many more have materials, coursework, podcasts and other items for you to take classes on everything from atomic physics to wildlife medicine. These two sites are being generously supported by private donations and hopefully they will continue into the future as we become more and more a global society. Exchanging what we know is the most valuable resource!

I said I wasn't getting married again... but....

That just proves you should never say never! Finally I find the right man for me so I am not letting him go!

Our wedding is set for March 3, 2007, one year from the day we laid eyes on each other at Conor O'Neills in Ann Arbor. Amazingly we met online, on MySpace, so I guess we'll have to send Tom a gushy letter thanking him for developing such a cool place to meet people.

So far, we are registered at Bed Bath & Beyond. We're still officially determining a reception site, although we think we know where we'll do that. It will be an evening cocktail and h'ors douerve reception, and we're asking everyone to wear "cocktail attire" - meaning little black dresses for the ladies (gloves optional) and dark suits for the men. Yes it is OK to wear black to a wedding!

Invites will go out probably around Christmas, so we have a lot of work to do between now and then. I've already purchased a few decoration items on Ebay (again, cheap and functional stuff... gotta love Ebay!) and my dress... then we have to talk about ceremony music, the DJ, get ourselves a photographer, get our attendant gifts, arrange a rehearsal dinner...well, I'm getting exhausted just typing all that. More updates as wedding developments fall into place!

Court, and other necessary things

Looks like I am now the owner of the house in Greenville, just waiting on the official signed judgement from the county, and an emergency quit claim deed from the area in which the house sits. My lawyer even said she appreciated the volume of information I provided to her, and that the judge had never approved something like this before without any changes to what we requested. So that made me feel good, like I coulda been a lawyer! Hopefully I can get the place ready to sell fairly soon and just get rid of it ASAP. Goodness knows I have some other debt and expenses to take care of instead of paying a mortgage payment on a house I don't live in. I keep saying I wish I'd gotten a lawyer way back when to take care of this before...but there's no sense in beating myself up now, it's mostly resolved at this point.

Reprinted from Snopes.com - Happy Friday the 13th

Legend: Friday the 13th is a day fraught with peril.

Origins: Although most of us would probably affirm that superstition's
role in Western culture is now a much diminished one, more a source of amusement than anything else, there are still those who allow their trepidation over particular days or dates to prevent them from engaging in their choice of activities. We may make jokes about Friday the 13th and only kiddingly instruct loved ones to exercise greater care on that day, but those who suffer from a fear of the number thirteen (triskaidekaphobia) or a fear of Friday the 13th (paraskevidekatriaphobia) may genuinely feel limited by the rumored potential for ill luck connected with the date.

The reasons why Friday came to be regarded as a day of bad luck have been obscured by the mists of time — some of the more common theories link it to a significant event in Christian tradition said to have taken place on Friday, such as the Crucifixion, Eve's offering the apple to Adam in the Garden of Eden, the beginning of the Great Flood, or the confusion at the Tower of Babel. Chaucer alluded to Friday as a day on which bad things seemed to happen in the Canterbury Tales as far back as the late 14th century ("And on a Friday fell all this mischance"), but references to Friday as a day connected with ill luck generally start to show up in Western literature around the mid-17th century:

• "Now Friday came, you old wives say, Of all the week's the unluckiest day." (1656)

From the early 19th century onward, examples abound of Friday's being considered a bad day for all sorts of ordinary tasks, from writing letters to conducting business and receiving medical treatment:

• "I knew another poor woman, who lost half her time in waiting for lucky days, and made it a rule never to . . . write a letter on business . . . on a Friday — so her business was never done, and her fortune suffered accordingly." (1804)
• "There are still a few respectable tradesmen and merchants who will not transact business, or be bled, or take physic, on a Friday, because it is an unlucky day." (1831)

Friday was also said to be a particularly unlucky day on which to undertake anything that represented a beginning or the start of a new venture, thus we find references to all of the following activities as endeavors best avoided on Fridays:

• Needleworking: "I knew an old lady who, if she had nearly completed a piece of needlework on a Thursday, would put it aside unfinished, and set a few stitches in her next undertaking, that she might not be obliged either to begin the new task on Friday or to remain idle for a day." (1883)
• Harvesting: "My father once decided to start harvest on a Friday, and men went out on the Thursday evening, and, unpaid, cut along one side of the first field with their scythes, in order to dodge the malign fates which a Friday start would begin." (1933)
• Laying the keel of, or launching, a ship: "Fisherman would have great misgivings about laying the keel of a new boat on Friday, as well as launching one on that day." (1885)
• Beginning a sea voyage: "Sailors are many of them superstitious . . . A voyage begun [on a Friday] is sure to be an unfortunate one." (1823)
• Beginning a journey: "I knew another poor woman, who . . . made it a rule never to . . . set out on a journey on a Friday." (1804)
• Giving birth: "A child born on a Friday is doomed to misfortune." (1846)
• Getting married: "As to Friday, a couple married on that day are doomed to a cat-and-dog life." (1879)
• Recovering from illness: "If you have been ill, don't get up for the first time on a Friday." (1923)
• Hearing news: "If you hear anything new on a Friday, it gives you another wrinkle on your face, and adds a year to your age." (1883)
• Moving: "Don't move on a Friday, or you won't stay there very long." (1982)
• Starting a new job: "Servants who go into their situations on Friday, never go to stay." (1923)

In some cases, Good Friday (the Friday before Easter) was regarded as an exception or 'antidote' to the bad luck usually associated with Friday beginnings:

• "Notwithstanding the prejudice against sailing on a Friday . . . most of the pleasure-boats . . . make their first voyage for the season on Good Friday." (1857)
• "It was accounted unlucky for a child to be born on a Friday, unless it happened to be Good Friday, when the event was counterbalanced by the sanctity of the day." (1870)

The origins of the connection between the number thirteen and ill fortune are similarly obscure. Many different sources for the superstition surrounding the number thirteen have been posited, the most common stemming from another Christian source, the Last Supper, at which Judas Iscariot was said to have been the thirteenth guest to sit at the table. (Judas later betrayed Jesus, leading to His crucifixion, and then took his own life.) This Christian symbolism is reflected in early Western references to thirteen as an omen of bad fortune, which generally started to appear in the early 18th century and warned that thirteen people sitting down to a meal together presaged that one of them would die within the year:

• "I have known, and now know, persons in genteel life who did, and do, not sit down to table unmoved with twelve others. Our notion is that one of the thirteen so partaking, will die ere the expiry of the year." (1823)
• "The old story runs, that the last individual of the thirteen who takes a seat has the greatest chance of being the 'doomed one'." (1839)

Superstition held that the victim would be the first person to rise from the table (or the last one to be seated), leading to the remedies of having all guests sit and stand at the same time, or seating one or more guests at a separate table:

• " . . . Miss Mellon always gave the last comer an equal chance with the rest for life . . . she used to rise and say, 'I will not have any friend of mine sit down as the thirteenth; you must all rise, and we will then sit down again together.'" (1839)
• "Every one knows that to sit down thirteen at a table is a most unlucky omen, sure to be followed by the death of one of the party within the year . . . Some say, however, that the evil will only befall the first who leaves the table, and may be averted if the whole company are careful to rise from their seats at the same moment." (1883)
• " . . . so far is this feeling carried that one of the thirteen is requested to dine at a side table!" (1823)

(The "thirteen at the table" form of superstition again harkens back to the Last Supper: the one who left the table first, Judas Iscariot, died at his own hand soon afterwards.)

More generally, groups of thirteen people in any context — at a table, in a room, on a ship — were believed to inevitably lead to tragedy:

• "On a sudden an old woman unluckily observed there were thirteen of us in company. This remark struck a panic terror into several who were present . . . but a friend of mine, taking notice that one of our female companions was big with child, affirmed there were fourteen in the room . . ." (1711)
• "Notwithstanding . . . opinions in favour of odd numbers, the number thirteen is considered as extremely ominous; it being held that, when thirteen persons meet in a room, one of them will die within the year." (1787)
• "Many will not sail on a vessel when [thirteen] is the number of persons on board; and it is believed that some fatal accident must befall one of them." (1808)

By the late 19th century the superstition surrounding thirteen had become even more general, with people going out of their ways to avoid anything designated by the number thirteen, whether it be hotel rooms, desks, or cars:

• "'Look at that,' said Parnell, pointing to the number on his door. It was No. 13! 'What a room to give me!'" (1893)
• "For some time before the late War I went almost daily to the British Museum reading room . . . I gave some attention to the desks left to the last comers . . . there was a very marked preference of any other desk to that numbered '13'." (1927)
• "The mechanic helped him get out [of the racing car]. 'May as well scratch,' he said. 'He won't be good for anything more this afternoon. It's asking for trouble having a No. 13.'" (1930)

Once again these ill omens were avoided through artifice, such as the renumbering of rooms in hotels and inns to eliminate any Room #13's, and misnumbering the floors above the 12th floor in multi-story buildings so that tenants could pretend 13th floors were really 14th floors.

Just as Friday was considered an inauspicious day of the week on which to embark upon a new enterprise, so the 13th day of a month came to signify a particularly bad day for beginning a venture. Although regarding the confluence of a particularly unlucky day of the week (Friday) and a particularly unlucky day of the month (the 13th) as a date of supreme unluckiness might seem to be obvious and inevitable, superstitions regarding Friday the 13th are not nearly as old as most people tend to think. The belief in Friday the 13th as a day on which Murphy's Law reigns supreme and anything that can go wrong will go wrong appears to be largely a 20th century phenomenon. (The claim that the Friday the 13th superstition began with the arrest of the final Grand Master of the Knights Templar, Jacques Demolay, on Friday, October 13, 1307, is a modern-day invention.)

Maybe I'm just homesick... but I like this a lot

We have a lot of neat memories from when we were kids, and my sister spent some time one day writing down things she remembered. I've made some of these more generic than her original document but the same flavor is there. My comments, added in, are in parens.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I remember enjoying the big brown “bear” chair at Grandma & Grandpa’s house in the den. (I remember dad fighting to light the fire in the fireplace at their house. It never lit on the first try!)

I remember watching Nova and Tiger Baseball with Grandma & Grandpa.

I remember eating saltines and peanut butter in the next door neighbor's kitchen when mom took us over there with her to visit.

I remember hating softball because the girls teased me. I played for 2 years anyway.

I remember rehearsing plays at school for hours upon hours, and loving it.

I remember clogging classes.

I remember listening to Aunt Sue tell stories about the farmer’s market and going bowling.

I remember Dad and Uncle Eric doing cannonballs in Grandma’s pool.

I remember singing while dad played the guitar. We sang, “I’ll Fly Away” and “Do Lord”.

I remember Grandma Newell playing “The King Is Coming” on the piano. She knew it by heart.

I remember having a cake fight in my friend’s kitchen.

* I remember the year that we only trick or treated to three of the neighbors because the rain was pouring down. That was the year I was a witch and my big floppy hat got soaked.*

I remember Dad drawing X’s and O’s on the ends of our toes with a ball point pen after we’d just gotten out of the bathtub.

I remember my best friend and I going through all the garbage at Ponderosa looking for the retainer I had accidentally thrown away, and finding it under a garbage can.

I remember sledding at the big sand dune by the lake.

I remember playing in the sand, and loving to chase seagulls and swim in the summer.

I remember the first patchwork quilt I ever made. It was for my best friend's baby when he was newborn. It was awful!

I remember playing “Choplifter” and “Olympic Games” on Uncle Bob’s Commodore 64 computer.

I remember listening to my dress shoes tap on the tile floor in the hallway at church when I was very small.

I remember loving my Raggedy Ann dress.

I remember peanut butter & jelly on a hot dog bun (and the song we had to sing when we made one!)

I remember the red flowered nightgown that Grandma Newell made for me. It felt like clean sheets. I loved it.

I remember having a special bed on the couch when I didn’t feel good. We always had jell-o, saltines, and 7-Up.

I remember the day I found out I was going to be a Mom. It was one of the very most special days of my life.

I remember not wanting to fall in love with Jason, but having no control over it. He was just the one for me.

I remember following Ann Pool home from elementary school, sharing a Little Debbie snack, and then her Mom gave me my piano lesson. She didn’t like me one bit.

I remember going to Alabama to visit Grandma and Grandpa in Mobile.

I remember Grandma buying me a Mexican Barbie when I learned my multiplication tables.

I remember devouring all of the Little House on the Prairie books. We watched Little House religiously!

I remember Shirley Temple movies on Sunday afternoons, and watching Sha Na Na.

I remember all of the musicals in elementary school. I loved them.

I remember our babysitter Amy washing our hair in the kitchen sink.

I remember mom checking on us when we were in the tub. “Are you ok?”

Sept 19th - Talk Like A Pirate Day

My pirate name is:

Calico Charity Rackham

Often indecisive, you can't even choose a favorite color. You're apt to follow wherever the wind blows you, just like Calico Jack Rackham, your namesake. You have the good fortune of having a good name, since Rackham (pronounced RACKem, not rack-ham) is one of the coolest sounding surnames for a pirate. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com

Dog sprayed by a skunk?

This is the fail-proof recipe for cleaning up a skunk-sprayed dog. I know because I had to do this one late night last summer.

• 1 pint hydrogen peroxide
• 2/3 cup baking soda
• 1 tablespoon of citrus-based liquid soap

With gloves on, sponge this mixture into the dog's fur, and rub it in down to the skin if you can. Let sit two to five minutes, then rinse with plain water. If a second batch is needed, use fresh ingredients.

If this mixture, or skunk spray, has gotten into the dog's eyes, use a wet rag soaked in milk to wipe the eyes. Wring the rag out over the eyes for best results (dripping it directly into the eyes) or if the dog will sit still, gently wipe around the eyes with the rag. Results should be immediate.

Update on the BS that continues

Well - my naivete and trust in people who shouldn't be trusted has come around to bite me again. Namely my ex, who we will refer to here as AzHol.

Not only did AzHol lie to me about the refinancing being possible, he said it could happen ASAP and that it would correct both of our credit scores. I talked to the refi guy he talked to and none of it's true (so many people told me this but I was SO hoping for an easy resolution here...) So I had to forward an email from refi guy to my lawyer, stating the truth, and figure out how the heck I am going to pay the already past due mortgage payments, along with the payments that will be due from this point on, since I am most likely going to be awarded the house in the court hearing in October... I am still trying to refi for myself, and hopefully with just a few ontime payments under my belt I can swing it sooner rather than later. An interest only loan would work best but you have to have pretty good credit and mortgage payment history to qualify.

It just pisses me off to no end, that I am making more money than I have in my whole life, and yet I have nothing to show for it... 1/3 of my income each month is going to a house payment for a house I DON'T LIVE IN!! I have no "extra" money EVER, no savings, and very little in the 401K. I might as well throw my money into a hole in the ground.

So I'm feeling pretty low today... and then I get a call about needing to have me sub at the local softball league... so after my 8 hour workday (2 of which have been actually on the phone with the mortgage company and lawyer and refi guy) I go to a 1-hour yoga class, then zip home to pick up the dog, and change clothes again for softball and have to take the dog with me. I certainly hope they are not expecting much out of me, I SUCK at softball worse than I do at golf.

So it's a little early for this but I think it's fun

Halloween being one of my favorite holidays (I'm a frustrated actress I guess), we were challenged during our department meeting a couple of weeks ago to develop a theme for Halloween for the marketing department. Our boss suggested When the Grinch Stole Halloween which I think is cool. So I wrote this up and gave it to her (yes she loved it!).

When the Grinch Stole Halloween

Copyright 2006 Shannon Edwards

There’s the time he stole Christmas, but it all came out right
Because of Cindy Lou Who, some roast beast and starlight
But the Grinch took another day -- it’s the worst thing we’ve seen
Come walk through Whoville, and try to save Halloween.

First he outfitted Max with devil horns and a cape
The poor thing looked pathetic, his head wrapped in duct tape
The Grinch himself got dressed up too
As a fierce looking mobster with a greasy hairdo

Then he loaded some bags and some empty old sacks
On that same sleigh and hitched up old Max
Then the Grinch said “Giddyap” - the sleigh started down
Toward the homes where the Whos were decorating the town

They were hanging up twine webs and plastic spiders
And other fun things that were sure to frighten
Like stuffed Kleenex ghosts hung from tree branches
And black cat cutouts raised up on their haunches

There were paper skeletons hanging on doors
And fog machines started, just like the moors
Pumpkin-face bags full of leaves all around
RIP tombstones and zombie hands stuck in the ground
Even a vampire’s coffin with authentic fake locks
And a seven-foot cornhusk tied to a mailbox

Then the Grinch swept in and yelled at the children
“Give me those jack-o-lanterns, wax teeth and black cauldrons!
The cider in jugs and caramel apples on sticks
All of the treats and all of the tricks!
I’m here to steal Halloween and I’ll do it right
So you Whos won’t eat any candy tonight!”

Just then Cindy Lou, and Cindy Lou’s brother
Along with Cindy Lou’s father and mother
Said “Wait a minute Grinch, it seems to us
That you’re a big bully and causing a fuss
Over a night that’s silly and full of sweets
You’re already dressed, so join us and see!”

Maybe it was the smell of the chocolaty Snickers
Or Max’s brown eyes pleading over his whiskers
But the Grinch’s plot was foiled again
By those nice Whos, who made him a friend.

Then Halloween night was a joy for them all
As they went door to door with that plaintive call
The one you can hear from down the street:
TRICK OR TREAT! TRICK OR TREAT! TRICK OR TREAT!

What's Been Happening

Gosh, it's been some time since I posted eh? Well, there's been some legal wrangling happening and it's just not going anywhere, so I've been entangled in that instead of posting clever things here. I see on my daily George Carlin calendar today something particularly poignant to the issues I'm dealing with lately: "Until you're a certain age, you don't have anything to 'put behind you.' That's what life seems to be: a process of doing things that eventually you just want to put behind you."

As much as I regret my recent divorce (not the loss of the guy so much, but the sadness it leaves like a pond wake for my family), I regret every day not having used a lawyer to do the divorce. This leaves me with financial issues that I am struggling with, including real estate, family law, mortgage companies, etc. So I am trying to get out of this with as little financial and emotional damage as possible...in a short period of time. NOTE TO SELF: Don't try to do anything legal in a quick amount of time, it doesn't work.

Amidst all the craziness and drama, though, small victories emerge. My dog is a lot more well-behaved now than he used to be, to the point that at some locations I can actually keep him off leash. I had a call from a publishing company that wants to interview me for a part-time job ... and I have a referral to a new lawyer who hopefully can get me everything I deserve and want out of this nightmare house situation. Work is going well, I am finding my strengths there finally, and feeling not so alone in the pace at which I am learning the things I need to know.

But the biggest blessing I have right now is Scott. He is a handsome and wonderful person I hope to have in my life a long time. He is an anchor, a funny-man when I truly need a joke, my support system when it's late at night and I am feeling the weight of the world, a supreme listener, a logical voice when I am not capable of that, an awesome hugger/cuddler, he teaches me things every day about nothing and everything, relates to me and my past as well as my present, is responsible when necessary and a lot of fun when it's not, is forgiving, appreciative, clever, intelligent, organized, considerate, generous, and makes me feel like I only need to be ME. Which is the best part.

So I guess putting things behind you, as difficult as it is, still paves the way for lots of new experiences and validates the good choices you have made.

A different kind of training

Preparing for the next relationship after a divorce (or a bad breakup) means training like an Olympian. (And by relationship, I am not referring to the “transitional” person you inevitably end up with for a short period. This can be a one-night thing or a couple of months, but it usually doesn’t last much longer than that).

First you have to get your mental game on. You know, the separation of head and brain. This is when the brain says, “I don’t need anyone in my life to be whole, I like spending time alone, I like my own company.” The heart and body on the other hand are fighting for someone to come along, ASAP. Their response is, “The hell with that, brain. We need some sex to feel attractive and intimate and less horny, even if it’s short-lived.”

Knowing that Brain is correct, but believing it and actually living it is another. As long as you have Brain’s message in there, and it keeps playing, you’re well on your way to getting past Mr. or Ms. Transitional/Mr. or Mrs. Wrong.

Part of the mental game preparation involves some practical stuff, too. Things like:

• Get financially set – Get into a routine of saving money and paying bills on time, particularly if you don’t have that yet. Talk to a financial planner or credit counselor, or a trusted friend about a budget, and then stick with it. This may involve looking for a new job, even. But the relief you feel just from completing this step will allow you the freedom to concentrate on other stuff. Keep reading.

• Get a support system – Should you need to talk, find out which friends or family members are okay with you calling in the middle of the night. Because you will need to at some point.

• Have fun – Do things you like to do regularly, so you can recharge your batteries. This helps you meet new people (platonic friends) and relax, and not think about Mr. or Ms. Wrong all the time. It helps keep those Pity Parties at bay. Remember that you have to have a reserve of happy inside you first, before you can give it to someone else.

• Make actual attempts to be healthy – Exercise and eat right, and get enough sleep. If you do nothing else on this list, you need these three, especially if you never have before.

Then the hard part comes. Get emotionally set – find a way to get your hands on all the tools to battle whatever comes your way. This is the only way to become strong enough to defend yourself appropriately from the No-Confidence and Disrespect monsters. Work out all those past angers, frustrations, trust issues, grudges, negative thoughts, nightmares, bad dates, things that set you on panic, whatever.

This means therapy, kickboxing, screaming at the top of your lungs, or lots of late nights talking to those friends/family while annoying them with yet another “What happened, why did this happen to me, why did this happen now” blah blah blah. Or all of the above.

One day, you will awake and the heart and brain will have signed a peace treaty overnight. This is when you will be truly ready to Go Look. This involves joining social clubs, online matching services, meeting those friends of friends on a regular basis for activities, hitting the gym more – wherever there are more single people like yourself, put yourself there. Take your time to review the available options. You may have to open your horizons to a different “look” than is your norm – or at the very least, hang out with people who have very different interests from yours and see what develops.

Then it’s Dating Time. Keep it on a platonic level for at least a couple of dates, and keep it in public view, during the daytime if at all possible. The reason I recommend these two things, is simply safety. You’re not stuck 1) in your nice clothes sitting in a restaurant for dinner for two hours with someone you have decided within the first few minutes is definitely NOT for you or 2) trying to get someone out of your house (or leave theirs) at night after some unwanted moves or disrespectful commentary. Ideas for the first few dates: go out for coffee, take walks, hit the museums, even shopping at the mall. You’ll also get a lot out of plain old phone conversations (or instant messages/text messages) in between those first few face-to-face meetings.

Then narrow it down. Pick a couple of people to keep seeing, a few more times, and get into the more date-like dates. Dinner, movie, dancing, a few drinks, play pool or darts or go to a sporting event. Bring some friends with you too, or hang out with their friends, and see how the new person interacts with others. This will give you depth of insight you never thought possible. Once you’ve had a few more involved dates, you’ll get a better idea who’s the most compatible for you. (Time is on your side, so use it.)

Only then will you be ready for a relationship - because when you find someone you’d like to spend some time with, exclusively, then the work really begins.

True loving is hard work. Your love test will come when you agree to do something you don’t want to do, but for that person you do it – including setting them free if that’s required.

Love is romance… but it’s also putting up with relatives on a weekend afternoon when you’d much rather be home vegetating on the couch. Love is worrying about the other person when you know they’re making a bad decision and your opinion mattered… but just not quite enough.

Love is not saying “I told you so” when they come back to you and say “I was wrong” or “I’m sorry.” Love is being honest with yourself, and with other people too.

Love is supporting your words with actions – being a loving person has more weight than telling someone you love them. Love is even agreeing to disagree sometimes.

Scott's birthday surprise

So some of you have met Scott...the guy I'm seeing. Here we are about halfway through an eventful evening at the Arena in downtown Ann Arbor.

I threw him a surprise pub crawl birthday party this past Saturday. We started off at Conor O'Neills, made it to the Full Moon, then to the Arena, Arbor Brewing Company, and then Goodnight Gracies to wind up the night (appropriately enough).

He was instructed to wear a white t-shirt that read "Hi, I'm Scott. It's my birthday!" and then anyone who felt like writing something on the shirt, we provided Sharpie markers to. It was a riot. We also made him carry a neon green plastic pail that said "If you have to spew, spew in this." And we had four helium balloons that said Happy Birthday on them to carry around from place to place.

He was instructed to conduct a scavenger hunt as well - find a coin with 1970 on it, order and consume an "umbrella" drink, get a coaster from a bar, collect a wine cork, a matchbook and a beer bottle top, and get a kiss from stranger. All of which he accomplished by midnight!

Refinancing hell

I am reminded of Matt Groening's comic strip from ages ago - "Life is Hell." Because I am trying to refinance my house and I am playing two companies against each other. They both want to convince me that the other one is messing with my head, when in reality both are. I am just trying to get the stupid mortgages consolidated into one payment, and get a lower monthly payment... that's it!! Agh.

Big trip to NYC

(L) Musician in the park playing an accordion

(C) A statue of Hans Christian Anderson in Riverside Park
(R) a view from their apartment (very hazy humid day)










(top L) art in their apartment I liked
(C) an ancient temple on display at the Met
(R) part of a cool display of arms & armor at the Met
(left here) City street



(L) Dim sum - could not believe how crowded!

(R) Ground Zero.

World Trade Center subway line/train station

I was fortunate enough to be able to go to NYC this past weekend to visit Jhoanna, a very close friend, and really spend some time with her.

Here I am in line at the famous Magnolia Bakery where we bought some of their delicious cupcakes...yes, it was worth the wait, even in the heat!
This is the view from their apartment on 106th St. looking down Broadway. (Hey mom I finally made it to Broadway, haha).Here we are at the famous Central Park "sailboat pond," featured in many movies. Weather was great...just a bit of rain both Friday night and Sunday night (we dashed between the raindrops to get home from our dessert stop and walk through Columbia's campus) but we didn't melt. Otherwise it was HOT and humid.

We did a 2 mile run through Riverside Park Saturday, walked in Central Park, then kept walking and walking; we walked through just about every neighborhood, so I could get the full experience of Manhattan. We ate dim sum, did lots of furniture shopping (yes yes yes that was fun, stop apologizing, Jho...), clothes shopping, window shopping, eating popovers (yum), grocery shopping, bakery shopping, street fair shopping, souvenir shopping, chocolate shopping...and of course lots more eating, reminiscing and girl talk!

I did the Met on Monday with Nina, while Jho and Will were in the ER with Ben (a birthday party, an exercise bike and a serious foot injury...but nothing broken thank goodness).

I learned a lot about NYC real estate and architecture as Jho is writing a column for New York Magazine now, on both topics. She also knows where the famous people live. No star sightings this weekend as all of them were off to the Hamptons for the holiday weekend. But I did see the coffee shop from "You've Got Mail," the "luncheonette" that Seinfeld and pals supposedly hung out at, and the spot where John Lennon was shot.

Tuesday before my plane took off I squeezed in a very fast tour of the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island, both great places to be when it's 95 degrees out, because you're on the water. I also stopped off at Ground Zero and was surprised at how much sadness was there.

Happy Post-Mother's Day

I found this poem on the Internet around December, and had it typeset and framed for my mom for Christmas.

A Mother

A mother’s love is unconditional
Right from the very start
Comforting, caring and supporting you
As she did her part
A mother’s love is true and kind
No matter what you do
Teaching you right from wrong
And she believes in you, too
A mother’s love never ends
She is always there for you
When you’re feeling happy
Or when you’re feeling blue
A mother’s love is unselfish
As she sacrifices so much
Giving you what she can
Even just a little touch
A mother’s love is strong with affection
More than you will ever know
A very special bond
That will always show
A mother’s love is filled
With hopes and dreams for you
As she sees you succeed
And supports all that you do
A mother’s love is unconditional
And special, it’s easy to define
I have that kind of mother
I am proud to say she’s mine

One of my favorite stories

This is a story I wrote many years ago but it's one of my favorites. I haven't gone back to change it much since I first wrote it, so that tells me I did it right the first time. Enjoy! - Shan

THE ARTIST by Shannon Edwards December 2000

Autumn is the season of death, Daniel said once. Driving, thinking about many things many people had said, Liz disagreed. It was a time of change. The old goes out and the new comes in, though you can't see the newness yet because it's still frozen, deep inside. The leaves were just turning, so the leaves on the trees were part green and part red; some tipped with orange.

The colors reminded Liz of "Fire," her first painting. One night after staring into the fireplace for too long, she realized not only did she want to, but she had to, express the colors she saw. She’d never painted before; in fact, she didn’t even have any supplies. She even showed up at Daniel’s at the end of the long weekend and asked if he had some paints and some extra canvas she could use. After two weeks of intense concentration, she produced “Fire.” The local critics at Daniel's gallery in St. Paul saw it as a sexual unity thing, but she would always think of it as the colors in the fireplace.

When she had finally shown her work to Daniel, he was ecstatic, hugging her and grabbing the sides of her face and kissing her forehead in his most energetic best friend way. He said he could get her a show in a small community center east of St. Paul. "A lot of local exposure, little initial cost," he said with a grin, convincing her as soon as it was out of his mouth. All along, during those long weeknights and even the fifteen-minute stints at the easel on the weekends, she knew inside that one day she could show her interpretation of the world to someone besides Daniel. It was just a matter of confidence.

Now Daniel was pressuring her to quit her full-time job to concentrate on her painting, but she wasn't sure she could give up the security yet. She told Daniel she'd wait to see how this show went. Daniel gave her one of his mischievous looks and said he'd invite all his rich friends to the show to buy all her paintings. “Then see how right I am, sweetie, you don’t belong in the catering business, really,” he said.

The gold sunset behind Liz disappeared quickly, but in its hanging glory, it glinted off each leaf on each tree. "Each leaf is a flake of gold in the crown of September," said Liz out loud. Boy, if anyone at the restaurant heard that … She wondered how the Budman reception was going, if they got the right centerpieces after all. Then she shook the thought away. I'm not thinking about work tonight, she told herself.

As she passed a small car, Liz wondered what she would do if her show was successful. Would her family take her seriously if she quit her job? Would anyone take her seriously, besides Daniel? She turned on the radio. A familiar song was playing:

Every time that I look in the mirror - All these lives, my face getting clearer

The past is gone...It went back, like dusk to dawn

There's another way - Everybody's got their dues in life to pay

I know, nobody knows, where it comes and where it goes

I know, everybody sing - You got the nose to know, oh, oh.

Dream on, dream on, dream on, dream until your dream comes true.

Yeah, dream on, Liz thought sarcastically. The same worries crowded her mind again. A new artist is lucky to sell a painting to her own mother, even at a first show. Sixteen months to accumulate the work I’ve done, and all of it will be in the show tomorrow, some of the not-so-great stuff there just to fill space. What do I do after this? Wait another sixteen months for success, or failure? How can I compete with these artists who have shows every six months?

As she drove into the last of the sunset, she noticed that people were flipping their lights on in preparation for twilight. She made herself think creatively, hoping some new images would come to her. Okay, she thought, if you had a hat, an old man's hat, what would you do with it to make it alive, or dead? What color would you paint it? From what angle? Using what kind of light?

A huge brown blur, crunching metal, the crack of a rock, blood spattered. The car’s tires squealed against the roadway as she applied the brakes almost instinctively. Liz's forehead lightly smacked the steering wheel at the same time her seatbelt pulled at her groin. What in the world, she thought, looking into the ditch through a large crack in the windshield. Slightly dizzy, she managed to unbuckle the seatbelt and opened the driver’s door. Her car was at an angle to the road, pointed into the median.

Behind her were hundred-foot skidmarks, beside her was her car - the hood of which looked more like an accordion now - and on the ground in front of her car was a large, bleeding deer. Stepping carefully towards it, she could see that it was a doe. She knelt down next to the animal, feeling its warm side and jumpy heartbeat. It gave her a terrorized expression, as though it were trapped, then its eyes glazed over, still open.

Liz held back tears. "Oh God," she whispered several times. She fought with herself mentally for a moment, wondering why this had to happen now, while she was on the way to the show, but trying to calm herself down to think what to do next. Where could she get help? She remembered seeing an exit a couple of miles back. It couldn't be more than two miles, she thought. She grabbed her purse and keys from the car, shoved her hands into her coat pockets, and began walking.

The walk was cold, but it didn't seem to take long, because she was thinking all the way. She tried to continue the creative exercises, but nothing came to her but the sight of that brown shape hitting the bumper. The image tormented her over and over until she reached the Dairy Queen at the exit.

Liz used the pay phone to call for a tow truck. She had to wait because the nearest truck had another customer further down the highway: "Forty minutes away, to be exact," said the nasal dispatcher. Liz sighed and said she'd wait, telling the dispatcher that she wanted to be driven to Grand Junction, but wanted her car to go back to St. Paul. She hung up and called Daniel, but he had already left, so she explained the whole situation on his answering machine, saying she'd try to make it. Hopefully he would think to call in for messages.

Maybe I can still make it to the show on time, she thought. Then the doe’s blankly staring eyes came back to her mind and she shivered a little. She decided she would order a coffee.

An hour and ten minutes and a large coffee later, the tow truck finally showed. A large dark-haired man in greasy green overalls beckoned to her from outside, behind the gas pumps. She looked around the restaurant and realized she was the only one there, so she went out to meet him.

“Where'd ya get stuck?" he asked as she climbed a ladder into the huge truck.

“Two miles south,” she replied.

During the drive to her car, the driver said nothing. The radio played some twangy country music, faintly, seemingly from a distance. As he pulled the wrecker in front of the car to position it, Liz turned around in her seat to look again in disbelief, her jaw dropped open.

The doe was gone.

She sat down, sliding slowly on the vinyl. How did it not die? It was dead when she touched it, she was sure.

On the way to the Grand Junction Gallery, the driver started asking questions. “Never seen a deer hit that hard before and live,” he said. “My brother-in-law hit a deer once, and he swears it bounced back up and kept runnin'. 'Course, he tends to exaggerate.” He looked at her. “I'm Ray. Whatta people call you?”

"Liz," she answered in a soft voice. "And I've never even hit a squirrel. I didn't know animals could do such damage."

"Oh yeah, I'm surprised you could get out of the car. Coulda been much worse." He paused, then asked, "Why are you goin' on to Grand Junction when your car's goin' back to St. Paul? Got a hot date or somethin'?" He grinned and his teeth shone in the darkness, white and straight.

"No, I have a show. I'm an artist." She smiled at herself, basking in the warm feeling from saying that out loud.

"You do sculpture? Or paintin'?"

“Paint. Mostly oils."

"Hmmm. You do any nudes?"

"Uh, no. Just natural scenes, you know, trees and things."

"You always been an artist?"

"No; in fact, this is my first show."

"I knew it!" he said. He smacked the steering wheel with the heel of his hand. "That's why I ask people if they been doin' something always, because they say no, I was a - whatever - once. I met a woman in Texas one time who used to be in a flyin' trapeze act when she was a little girl.”

Liz smiled politely. “I also run a catering service back in St. Paul.”

“Doin' a little moonlightin' tonight, eh?" Ray chuckled. " I won't tell no one."

She smiled at him again, then looked out the window, wondering when they'd arrive in Grand Junction.

“So, uh," he continued, "you go to college for this catering thing? They got a catering major somewhere?"

"No, I started working there when I was in highschool, and I just stayed on after that. I'm the manager now."

"I went to college once," he said matter-of-factly. "I was gonna be a stockbroker." She raised an eyebrow at him and he went on. "Oh, yeah, I was just gonna take this” - here he hit the steering wheel again - “as a temporary job, while I was in school, you know. But I took all the night classes they had, and I would have had to take time off work to get the rest of the classes. Well, I'd gotten used to the money driving truck, and when you get used to having money, you let go of some things. I let go of school." He laughed a little, saying, "But I was still tellin' chicks in bars that one day I was gonna be a stockbroker. Some of 'em even believed me." He shook his head. "I sure was a crazy one then. I figured out one day that the chicks liked me better if I just told 'em I was a tow truck driver." He paused, then said, "Helped me, too, because I knew way before that that I was only gonna get so far in life, then I’d have to settle into something.”

He looked to her for a response, but Liz said nothing. She was frowning out the window, thinking about how Daniel was explaining her absence to his friends. She hoped he wasn't telling them that she hit a deer. That would be really embarrassing.

Looking into the side mirror, she suddenly got an image so clear and full that it frightened her. She pulled a sketch pad out of her bag and flew the pencil over the rough paper. Ray watched her draw furiously, but wasn't sure what she was drawing. Neither of them said another word for the rest of the trip.

The tow truck slowed and then stopped in front of the community center. Liz unlocked the door and slid out slowly. Ducking her head, she smiled, then said, "Thanks for the advice."

"What advice?"

"Well, you helped me make a decision tonight. And I wanted to thank you. Here," she said, extending the piece of sketch paper to him.

The page was covered in round scribbles, like exhaust smoke, but under it all, was the back end of a tow truck, pulling a compact car, a doe running behind them like a wild horse.

New poem

Revealed

Tiny reddish kernels become green buds
Erupting from the branches
Day by day they advance in size

After a week they are enlarged nubs
A few days later, the smallest leaves have poked through
A month later and adolescent-size greenery moves in a slight breeze

Then full-size leaves reflect the pinkish light
Completely nourishing the branch it came from
With sunlight and sugar

Becoming part of a whistling tribe
Of leaves, branches and
Tree
Producing buds again

SME
4/21/06