A different kind of training

Preparing for the next relationship after a divorce (or a bad breakup) means training like an Olympian. (And by relationship, I am not referring to the “transitional” person you inevitably end up with for a short period. This can be a one-night thing or a couple of months, but it usually doesn’t last much longer than that).

First you have to get your mental game on. You know, the separation of head and brain. This is when the brain says, “I don’t need anyone in my life to be whole, I like spending time alone, I like my own company.” The heart and body on the other hand are fighting for someone to come along, ASAP. Their response is, “The hell with that, brain. We need some sex to feel attractive and intimate and less horny, even if it’s short-lived.”

Knowing that Brain is correct, but believing it and actually living it is another. As long as you have Brain’s message in there, and it keeps playing, you’re well on your way to getting past Mr. or Ms. Transitional/Mr. or Mrs. Wrong.

Part of the mental game preparation involves some practical stuff, too. Things like:

• Get financially set – Get into a routine of saving money and paying bills on time, particularly if you don’t have that yet. Talk to a financial planner or credit counselor, or a trusted friend about a budget, and then stick with it. This may involve looking for a new job, even. But the relief you feel just from completing this step will allow you the freedom to concentrate on other stuff. Keep reading.

• Get a support system – Should you need to talk, find out which friends or family members are okay with you calling in the middle of the night. Because you will need to at some point.

• Have fun – Do things you like to do regularly, so you can recharge your batteries. This helps you meet new people (platonic friends) and relax, and not think about Mr. or Ms. Wrong all the time. It helps keep those Pity Parties at bay. Remember that you have to have a reserve of happy inside you first, before you can give it to someone else.

• Make actual attempts to be healthy – Exercise and eat right, and get enough sleep. If you do nothing else on this list, you need these three, especially if you never have before.

Then the hard part comes. Get emotionally set – find a way to get your hands on all the tools to battle whatever comes your way. This is the only way to become strong enough to defend yourself appropriately from the No-Confidence and Disrespect monsters. Work out all those past angers, frustrations, trust issues, grudges, negative thoughts, nightmares, bad dates, things that set you on panic, whatever.

This means therapy, kickboxing, screaming at the top of your lungs, or lots of late nights talking to those friends/family while annoying them with yet another “What happened, why did this happen to me, why did this happen now” blah blah blah. Or all of the above.

One day, you will awake and the heart and brain will have signed a peace treaty overnight. This is when you will be truly ready to Go Look. This involves joining social clubs, online matching services, meeting those friends of friends on a regular basis for activities, hitting the gym more – wherever there are more single people like yourself, put yourself there. Take your time to review the available options. You may have to open your horizons to a different “look” than is your norm – or at the very least, hang out with people who have very different interests from yours and see what develops.

Then it’s Dating Time. Keep it on a platonic level for at least a couple of dates, and keep it in public view, during the daytime if at all possible. The reason I recommend these two things, is simply safety. You’re not stuck 1) in your nice clothes sitting in a restaurant for dinner for two hours with someone you have decided within the first few minutes is definitely NOT for you or 2) trying to get someone out of your house (or leave theirs) at night after some unwanted moves or disrespectful commentary. Ideas for the first few dates: go out for coffee, take walks, hit the museums, even shopping at the mall. You’ll also get a lot out of plain old phone conversations (or instant messages/text messages) in between those first few face-to-face meetings.

Then narrow it down. Pick a couple of people to keep seeing, a few more times, and get into the more date-like dates. Dinner, movie, dancing, a few drinks, play pool or darts or go to a sporting event. Bring some friends with you too, or hang out with their friends, and see how the new person interacts with others. This will give you depth of insight you never thought possible. Once you’ve had a few more involved dates, you’ll get a better idea who’s the most compatible for you. (Time is on your side, so use it.)

Only then will you be ready for a relationship - because when you find someone you’d like to spend some time with, exclusively, then the work really begins.

True loving is hard work. Your love test will come when you agree to do something you don’t want to do, but for that person you do it – including setting them free if that’s required.

Love is romance… but it’s also putting up with relatives on a weekend afternoon when you’d much rather be home vegetating on the couch. Love is worrying about the other person when you know they’re making a bad decision and your opinion mattered… but just not quite enough.

Love is not saying “I told you so” when they come back to you and say “I was wrong” or “I’m sorry.” Love is being honest with yourself, and with other people too.

Love is supporting your words with actions – being a loving person has more weight than telling someone you love them. Love is even agreeing to disagree sometimes.

Scott's birthday surprise

So some of you have met Scott...the guy I'm seeing. Here we are about halfway through an eventful evening at the Arena in downtown Ann Arbor.

I threw him a surprise pub crawl birthday party this past Saturday. We started off at Conor O'Neills, made it to the Full Moon, then to the Arena, Arbor Brewing Company, and then Goodnight Gracies to wind up the night (appropriately enough).

He was instructed to wear a white t-shirt that read "Hi, I'm Scott. It's my birthday!" and then anyone who felt like writing something on the shirt, we provided Sharpie markers to. It was a riot. We also made him carry a neon green plastic pail that said "If you have to spew, spew in this." And we had four helium balloons that said Happy Birthday on them to carry around from place to place.

He was instructed to conduct a scavenger hunt as well - find a coin with 1970 on it, order and consume an "umbrella" drink, get a coaster from a bar, collect a wine cork, a matchbook and a beer bottle top, and get a kiss from stranger. All of which he accomplished by midnight!

Refinancing hell

I am reminded of Matt Groening's comic strip from ages ago - "Life is Hell." Because I am trying to refinance my house and I am playing two companies against each other. They both want to convince me that the other one is messing with my head, when in reality both are. I am just trying to get the stupid mortgages consolidated into one payment, and get a lower monthly payment... that's it!! Agh.

Big trip to NYC

(L) Musician in the park playing an accordion

(C) A statue of Hans Christian Anderson in Riverside Park
(R) a view from their apartment (very hazy humid day)










(top L) art in their apartment I liked
(C) an ancient temple on display at the Met
(R) part of a cool display of arms & armor at the Met
(left here) City street



(L) Dim sum - could not believe how crowded!

(R) Ground Zero.

World Trade Center subway line/train station

I was fortunate enough to be able to go to NYC this past weekend to visit Jhoanna, a very close friend, and really spend some time with her.

Here I am in line at the famous Magnolia Bakery where we bought some of their delicious cupcakes...yes, it was worth the wait, even in the heat!
This is the view from their apartment on 106th St. looking down Broadway. (Hey mom I finally made it to Broadway, haha).Here we are at the famous Central Park "sailboat pond," featured in many movies. Weather was great...just a bit of rain both Friday night and Sunday night (we dashed between the raindrops to get home from our dessert stop and walk through Columbia's campus) but we didn't melt. Otherwise it was HOT and humid.

We did a 2 mile run through Riverside Park Saturday, walked in Central Park, then kept walking and walking; we walked through just about every neighborhood, so I could get the full experience of Manhattan. We ate dim sum, did lots of furniture shopping (yes yes yes that was fun, stop apologizing, Jho...), clothes shopping, window shopping, eating popovers (yum), grocery shopping, bakery shopping, street fair shopping, souvenir shopping, chocolate shopping...and of course lots more eating, reminiscing and girl talk!

I did the Met on Monday with Nina, while Jho and Will were in the ER with Ben (a birthday party, an exercise bike and a serious foot injury...but nothing broken thank goodness).

I learned a lot about NYC real estate and architecture as Jho is writing a column for New York Magazine now, on both topics. She also knows where the famous people live. No star sightings this weekend as all of them were off to the Hamptons for the holiday weekend. But I did see the coffee shop from "You've Got Mail," the "luncheonette" that Seinfeld and pals supposedly hung out at, and the spot where John Lennon was shot.

Tuesday before my plane took off I squeezed in a very fast tour of the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island, both great places to be when it's 95 degrees out, because you're on the water. I also stopped off at Ground Zero and was surprised at how much sadness was there.

Happy Post-Mother's Day

I found this poem on the Internet around December, and had it typeset and framed for my mom for Christmas.

A Mother

A mother’s love is unconditional
Right from the very start
Comforting, caring and supporting you
As she did her part
A mother’s love is true and kind
No matter what you do
Teaching you right from wrong
And she believes in you, too
A mother’s love never ends
She is always there for you
When you’re feeling happy
Or when you’re feeling blue
A mother’s love is unselfish
As she sacrifices so much
Giving you what she can
Even just a little touch
A mother’s love is strong with affection
More than you will ever know
A very special bond
That will always show
A mother’s love is filled
With hopes and dreams for you
As she sees you succeed
And supports all that you do
A mother’s love is unconditional
And special, it’s easy to define
I have that kind of mother
I am proud to say she’s mine

One of my favorite stories

This is a story I wrote many years ago but it's one of my favorites. I haven't gone back to change it much since I first wrote it, so that tells me I did it right the first time. Enjoy! - Shan

THE ARTIST by Shannon Edwards December 2000

Autumn is the season of death, Daniel said once. Driving, thinking about many things many people had said, Liz disagreed. It was a time of change. The old goes out and the new comes in, though you can't see the newness yet because it's still frozen, deep inside. The leaves were just turning, so the leaves on the trees were part green and part red; some tipped with orange.

The colors reminded Liz of "Fire," her first painting. One night after staring into the fireplace for too long, she realized not only did she want to, but she had to, express the colors she saw. She’d never painted before; in fact, she didn’t even have any supplies. She even showed up at Daniel’s at the end of the long weekend and asked if he had some paints and some extra canvas she could use. After two weeks of intense concentration, she produced “Fire.” The local critics at Daniel's gallery in St. Paul saw it as a sexual unity thing, but she would always think of it as the colors in the fireplace.

When she had finally shown her work to Daniel, he was ecstatic, hugging her and grabbing the sides of her face and kissing her forehead in his most energetic best friend way. He said he could get her a show in a small community center east of St. Paul. "A lot of local exposure, little initial cost," he said with a grin, convincing her as soon as it was out of his mouth. All along, during those long weeknights and even the fifteen-minute stints at the easel on the weekends, she knew inside that one day she could show her interpretation of the world to someone besides Daniel. It was just a matter of confidence.

Now Daniel was pressuring her to quit her full-time job to concentrate on her painting, but she wasn't sure she could give up the security yet. She told Daniel she'd wait to see how this show went. Daniel gave her one of his mischievous looks and said he'd invite all his rich friends to the show to buy all her paintings. “Then see how right I am, sweetie, you don’t belong in the catering business, really,” he said.

The gold sunset behind Liz disappeared quickly, but in its hanging glory, it glinted off each leaf on each tree. "Each leaf is a flake of gold in the crown of September," said Liz out loud. Boy, if anyone at the restaurant heard that … She wondered how the Budman reception was going, if they got the right centerpieces after all. Then she shook the thought away. I'm not thinking about work tonight, she told herself.

As she passed a small car, Liz wondered what she would do if her show was successful. Would her family take her seriously if she quit her job? Would anyone take her seriously, besides Daniel? She turned on the radio. A familiar song was playing:

Every time that I look in the mirror - All these lives, my face getting clearer

The past is gone...It went back, like dusk to dawn

There's another way - Everybody's got their dues in life to pay

I know, nobody knows, where it comes and where it goes

I know, everybody sing - You got the nose to know, oh, oh.

Dream on, dream on, dream on, dream until your dream comes true.

Yeah, dream on, Liz thought sarcastically. The same worries crowded her mind again. A new artist is lucky to sell a painting to her own mother, even at a first show. Sixteen months to accumulate the work I’ve done, and all of it will be in the show tomorrow, some of the not-so-great stuff there just to fill space. What do I do after this? Wait another sixteen months for success, or failure? How can I compete with these artists who have shows every six months?

As she drove into the last of the sunset, she noticed that people were flipping their lights on in preparation for twilight. She made herself think creatively, hoping some new images would come to her. Okay, she thought, if you had a hat, an old man's hat, what would you do with it to make it alive, or dead? What color would you paint it? From what angle? Using what kind of light?

A huge brown blur, crunching metal, the crack of a rock, blood spattered. The car’s tires squealed against the roadway as she applied the brakes almost instinctively. Liz's forehead lightly smacked the steering wheel at the same time her seatbelt pulled at her groin. What in the world, she thought, looking into the ditch through a large crack in the windshield. Slightly dizzy, she managed to unbuckle the seatbelt and opened the driver’s door. Her car was at an angle to the road, pointed into the median.

Behind her were hundred-foot skidmarks, beside her was her car - the hood of which looked more like an accordion now - and on the ground in front of her car was a large, bleeding deer. Stepping carefully towards it, she could see that it was a doe. She knelt down next to the animal, feeling its warm side and jumpy heartbeat. It gave her a terrorized expression, as though it were trapped, then its eyes glazed over, still open.

Liz held back tears. "Oh God," she whispered several times. She fought with herself mentally for a moment, wondering why this had to happen now, while she was on the way to the show, but trying to calm herself down to think what to do next. Where could she get help? She remembered seeing an exit a couple of miles back. It couldn't be more than two miles, she thought. She grabbed her purse and keys from the car, shoved her hands into her coat pockets, and began walking.

The walk was cold, but it didn't seem to take long, because she was thinking all the way. She tried to continue the creative exercises, but nothing came to her but the sight of that brown shape hitting the bumper. The image tormented her over and over until she reached the Dairy Queen at the exit.

Liz used the pay phone to call for a tow truck. She had to wait because the nearest truck had another customer further down the highway: "Forty minutes away, to be exact," said the nasal dispatcher. Liz sighed and said she'd wait, telling the dispatcher that she wanted to be driven to Grand Junction, but wanted her car to go back to St. Paul. She hung up and called Daniel, but he had already left, so she explained the whole situation on his answering machine, saying she'd try to make it. Hopefully he would think to call in for messages.

Maybe I can still make it to the show on time, she thought. Then the doe’s blankly staring eyes came back to her mind and she shivered a little. She decided she would order a coffee.

An hour and ten minutes and a large coffee later, the tow truck finally showed. A large dark-haired man in greasy green overalls beckoned to her from outside, behind the gas pumps. She looked around the restaurant and realized she was the only one there, so she went out to meet him.

“Where'd ya get stuck?" he asked as she climbed a ladder into the huge truck.

“Two miles south,” she replied.

During the drive to her car, the driver said nothing. The radio played some twangy country music, faintly, seemingly from a distance. As he pulled the wrecker in front of the car to position it, Liz turned around in her seat to look again in disbelief, her jaw dropped open.

The doe was gone.

She sat down, sliding slowly on the vinyl. How did it not die? It was dead when she touched it, she was sure.

On the way to the Grand Junction Gallery, the driver started asking questions. “Never seen a deer hit that hard before and live,” he said. “My brother-in-law hit a deer once, and he swears it bounced back up and kept runnin'. 'Course, he tends to exaggerate.” He looked at her. “I'm Ray. Whatta people call you?”

"Liz," she answered in a soft voice. "And I've never even hit a squirrel. I didn't know animals could do such damage."

"Oh yeah, I'm surprised you could get out of the car. Coulda been much worse." He paused, then asked, "Why are you goin' on to Grand Junction when your car's goin' back to St. Paul? Got a hot date or somethin'?" He grinned and his teeth shone in the darkness, white and straight.

"No, I have a show. I'm an artist." She smiled at herself, basking in the warm feeling from saying that out loud.

"You do sculpture? Or paintin'?"

“Paint. Mostly oils."

"Hmmm. You do any nudes?"

"Uh, no. Just natural scenes, you know, trees and things."

"You always been an artist?"

"No; in fact, this is my first show."

"I knew it!" he said. He smacked the steering wheel with the heel of his hand. "That's why I ask people if they been doin' something always, because they say no, I was a - whatever - once. I met a woman in Texas one time who used to be in a flyin' trapeze act when she was a little girl.”

Liz smiled politely. “I also run a catering service back in St. Paul.”

“Doin' a little moonlightin' tonight, eh?" Ray chuckled. " I won't tell no one."

She smiled at him again, then looked out the window, wondering when they'd arrive in Grand Junction.

“So, uh," he continued, "you go to college for this catering thing? They got a catering major somewhere?"

"No, I started working there when I was in highschool, and I just stayed on after that. I'm the manager now."

"I went to college once," he said matter-of-factly. "I was gonna be a stockbroker." She raised an eyebrow at him and he went on. "Oh, yeah, I was just gonna take this” - here he hit the steering wheel again - “as a temporary job, while I was in school, you know. But I took all the night classes they had, and I would have had to take time off work to get the rest of the classes. Well, I'd gotten used to the money driving truck, and when you get used to having money, you let go of some things. I let go of school." He laughed a little, saying, "But I was still tellin' chicks in bars that one day I was gonna be a stockbroker. Some of 'em even believed me." He shook his head. "I sure was a crazy one then. I figured out one day that the chicks liked me better if I just told 'em I was a tow truck driver." He paused, then said, "Helped me, too, because I knew way before that that I was only gonna get so far in life, then I’d have to settle into something.”

He looked to her for a response, but Liz said nothing. She was frowning out the window, thinking about how Daniel was explaining her absence to his friends. She hoped he wasn't telling them that she hit a deer. That would be really embarrassing.

Looking into the side mirror, she suddenly got an image so clear and full that it frightened her. She pulled a sketch pad out of her bag and flew the pencil over the rough paper. Ray watched her draw furiously, but wasn't sure what she was drawing. Neither of them said another word for the rest of the trip.

The tow truck slowed and then stopped in front of the community center. Liz unlocked the door and slid out slowly. Ducking her head, she smiled, then said, "Thanks for the advice."

"What advice?"

"Well, you helped me make a decision tonight. And I wanted to thank you. Here," she said, extending the piece of sketch paper to him.

The page was covered in round scribbles, like exhaust smoke, but under it all, was the back end of a tow truck, pulling a compact car, a doe running behind them like a wild horse.

New poem

Revealed

Tiny reddish kernels become green buds
Erupting from the branches
Day by day they advance in size

After a week they are enlarged nubs
A few days later, the smallest leaves have poked through
A month later and adolescent-size greenery moves in a slight breeze

Then full-size leaves reflect the pinkish light
Completely nourishing the branch it came from
With sunlight and sugar

Becoming part of a whistling tribe
Of leaves, branches and
Tree
Producing buds again

SME
4/21/06

Introducing Dudley!

This is Dudley! I adopted him this weekend and we're getting along great. He's about a year old, and already housetrained. He's a husky, shepherd retriever mix. Note the one blue eye! He's very smart, very energetic and hopefully will be a good running pal.

Two more dogs die...reward up to $18K

2 pit bulls added to grisly count

Tips keep investigators busy around the clock in case of 9 slain dogs

BY TRACY DAVIS, Ann Arbor News Staff Reporter

Two more young adult pit bulls were found dead north of Ypsilanti on Monday afternoon, and animal cruelty officials said they expect they haven't reached the end of the grim discoveries that began two weeks ago.

The two dogs, found along Clark Road and MacArthur Boulevard, bring the total number of slain dogs to nine. Unlike the first four dogs discovered along roadsides in rural parts of Superior Township, these two dogs were not decapitated and the cause of death is unclear.

Like the other dogs, these two appeared to have been dead for a couple of weeks, investigators said, but they do not believe that the dogs were all dumped at the same time, given that they have been scattered across a three-mile radius in Superior Township.

Meanwhile, the reward for information leading to an arrest in the case has been upped to $18,000, thanks to donations from people in the area.

Update on the dog murders

The Humane Society of Huron Valley is now offering $12,000 for information leading to the arrest of the person or people involved in the killings of seven dogs found recently in Washtenaw County. If you have a tip, call 734-662-5585, ext. 127, anytime and ask for Julie Curtis, investigator.

This enrages me

Another dog found beheaded
Humane society raises reward offer to $5,000 - BY TRACY DAVIS AND AMALIE NASH
Ann Arbor News Staff Reporters

Another decapitated dog was found in Superior Township on Wednesday, and the reward for the information leading to an arrest in the case has been upped to more than $5,000, officials with the Humane Society of Huron Valley said today.

The 40-pound female terrier mix was found lying in a ditch near Gotfredson and Vreeland roads in eastern Superior Township. Officials were alerted by a caller after news came out Wednesday of a Rottweiler found decapitated with its feet bound.

Julie Curtis, animal cruelty investigator for the humane society, said the terrier mix, clearly a family pet, fit the pattern of dead animals dumped in the area since January.

Tanya Hilgendorf, executive director of the humane society, said the second dog's body was found about two miles from where the Rottweiler was located.

Hilgendorf said humane society officials are pledging to do everything they can to stop the killings of family pets. She said the society received more than 100 calls about the case Wednesday - including tips, offers of donations to support the investigation and concerns from residents about allowing their pets outside in that area.

The humane society announced a $500 reward Tuesday, and private donations had pushed that figure to more than $5,000 by this morning.

"Obviously we're very troubled and saddened by the pain and suffering these animals are going through and the brutality of the acts,'' Hilgendorf said.

The humane society has responded to four other calls since January, but the two latest findings are the only ones where a pet was involved. In the other cases, skinned and decapitated wild animals were found in trash receptacles and alongside the roads.

The female Rottweiler was found last week alongside five skinned coyote carcasses at Harris and Geddes roads, the same location where seven other skinned wild animals have been found since January. A dead deer was lying near the terrier mix, Curtis said, but the deer carcass was so old it was impossible to tell whether it had been trapped.

Curtis said the terrier mix died two to three weeks ago. Unlike the Rottweiler, the dog's feet were not bound by duct tape.

"It was in great health, it actually would have been a little overweight,'' she said. "Clearly, again, a family dog.''

Officials said the wild animals were likely caught in snare traps and skinned by part-time trappers who sell the furs to make clothes and other items. Trapping season for those wild animals runs Oct. 15 to March 1. Curtis said the dogs may have been accidentally caught in the traps, but it was impossible to see telltale marks on the dogs' necks because they were decapitated.

Curtis said it is unclear whether the dogs were alive when they were decapitated, or whether they had already died. She said older snare traps tighten so much the animal chokes to death within minutes, while newer ones do not.

Neither dog had identification, and owners have not been found, Curtis said. The fact that their heads are missing has made identifying the pets even harder, Hilgendorf said.

Mutilating and killing a domesticated animal is a felony punishable by up to four years in prison.

Anyone with information on who is responsible for killing the pets is asked to call Curtis at 734-662-5585, ext. 112. Humane Society of Huron Valley website: www.hshv.org

Why cats are afraid of water - story

This is something I would like to have published someday as a children's book. Anyway, let me know what you think. - S
-----------------------------------

WHY CATS ARE AFRAID OF WATER (As told to Katie, by Grandma)

One day Katie asked Grandma, who is the smartest person she knew, why her cat was afraid of water. So Grandma began:

A long time ago, in Egypt, the Queen Cleopatra ruled the land. She also owned all the cats in the world, and they lived with her in her palace on the River Nile.

Cleopatra loved her cats dearly, so she was afraid to let them out of the palace for fear they might get hurt or lost. The cats loved her too, but they always sat at the windows looking out, waiting for the day when they might be able to get out into the world and explore it for themselves. (This is why cats like to look out windows to this day.) They especially were curious about the River Nile and what was in it.

One day Cleopatra met a young man, and they decided to get married, so Cleopatra began planning her wedding. She was so busy choosing her dress and picking out what flowers she would like and what music there would be that she didn’t have time to play with her beloved cats at all.

The cats didn’t understand what a wedding was, so they didn’t know what was going on. The cats just knew that strange people were coming in and out of the palace all the time, and that Cleopatra wasn’t around much for them to play with. They were very sad, because they missed the cat games they used to play with Cleopatra. They started sleeping a lot, and playing by themselves, because they thought that she didn’t love them anymore. (This is why cats sleep so much and play by themselves to this day). But sleeping and playing alone was boring after a while, so they decided to do something about it.

The day before the wedding, the cats had a council. The oldest cat, Nefertiti, took charge of the meeting.

“Okay, everyone, settle down,” she said. “Now, we all would like to explore outside the palace, right?”

“Right,” said the cats.

“Okay, this is the plan. We will wait in the kitchen, and when the kitchen door opens, as many as can fit through the door will run out. Each time the door opens, a few more of you run out.”

One of the cats, Anthony, raised his paw with a question.

“Yes, Anthony?” said Nefertiti.

“Where are we running to once we’re outside?” he asked.

“We are going to the River Nile, of course, to explore what is in it,” said Nefertiti. “So run down the steps and go right to the river. Wait for all the cats to arrive, and we will all play together!” The cats meowed and meowed with happiness. They were finally going to find out what was outside the palace!

That night, the cats went to the kitchen to wait for the door to open. Sure enough, after just a few minutes, one of the cooks, who had armloads of bread for the next day’s feast, opened the door. Because she had so much in her hands she could not shut the door quickly, so all of the cats ran out together. The cook screamed in surprise and threw the bread all over the kitchen. She ran to catch the cats, but it was too late - they were already to the edge of the River Nile.

At the edge of the river, Anthony called the cats together. “I would like to say that because Nefertiti’s plan worked so well, that she should be the first to touch the river.” The cats all agreed, so Nefertiti went to the edge of the water and touched it.

It was very cold, and had a funny way of sticking to her paw. It made her paw darker, and when the wind blew against it, it felt even colder. She decided to lick it, and it tasted very good. (To this day, cats lick their paws often, trying to taste the River Nile again.)

Nefertiti then said, “Everyone, the River Nile is safe! Let’s play!”

The cats meowed with excitement and some ran into the river to swim. However, when they swam out far enough, the fish who lived in the river started biting their paws and tails, and they were afraid. They all ran away from the river, and to this day, that is why cats don’t like water. (This is also why cats like to eat fish, because they were so mad at the fish who bit them in the River Nile.)

“Why Cats Are Afraid of Water (As told to Katie, by Grandma)” -- Copyright 1996

Posting for this weekend

ESCAPE WITH CHOCOLATE

When she looked up from the rolltop desk where she sat writing yet another thank you note, she saw that the rain had finally stopped. Maybe we will get some sun today after all, Sally thought. Bending her head parallel to the smooth surface of the desk again, she wrote four more notes but could not write anymore because of the noise in the kitchen.

She entered the kitchen to see her daughter-in-law, Ellen, perched on a stool by the telephone, crying into a black lace shawl she'd bought for the occasion. Hearing her mother-in-law enter, Ellen looked up with disdain. Roger, Ellen's husband, who'd been left practically everything in the will, laid a comforting arm on Ellen's shoulder as he said, "Really, mother, I can't believe you're wearing that dress today."

Sally lifted her chin and replied, "For your information, this was your father's favorite dress and I wear it for him today, not anyone else." Then she went to the refrigerator for a frozen Hershey bar with almonds. Unwrapping it hastily and taking a crunchy bite, she said with her mouth full, "Your dad loved purple flowers." (The truth was that the dress was now one of the only pieces of clothing she owned, and her late husband didn't have any idea what her wardrobe consisted of, much less did he have a favorite. But her children never did know much about their relationship, so the lie was safe.) This morning she'd packed all the clothing Frank ever bought her - all the housedresses, especially that blue and brown one - into a grocery sack for the Goodwill. She moved her favorites - the yellow, purple and fuschia dresses that Frank had refused to let her wear after she'd had the babies - to the front of the closet again. She also threw away all but one pair of shoes - the yellow, purple and fuschia ones with the gold heels - for going to town. Otherwise she'd go barefoot.

Ellen, though she looked as if she might throw up on the linoleum, defended her mother-in-law, as she had for the past two days. "Oh, leave her alone, Roger. Sally can wear anything she darn well wants to."

With a nod to Ellen, Sally took another large defiant bite of her candy bar, and walked out to the front porch. She smiled as she heard Roger sigh in the kitchen.

She leaned on the porch railing, remembering the day she'd convinced Frank to move out to the "hills," as he called the area. It had taken some work even to get him out to see the house, because he said the dusty gravel road would scratch his car's paint.

Her favorite part of the house, the front porch, looked east over a lush, rolling countryside, and seeing it you'd hardly know there was a highway less than two miles west. The green, gentle slopes stretching almost to the horizon reminded her of England, especially in the spring when the wildflowers bloomed. The rest of the time, there were just weeds. It was so glorious to see the sunrise every morning...each day it was different; sometimes orange, sometimes red, some days it rose faster than others. But it was there every day, ready to be kind to Sally, comforting, telling her it would return for another secret rendezvous tomorrow. Even when an early translucent fog obscured her view of the horizon she sensed its sympathy. It calmed her, preparing her for the long day ahead. Frank never watched the sunrise with her.

She looked over the porch railing at the lawn, which came right up against the porch. He'd always insisted on that. Now she mapped out in her head a walking garden with flowering bushes and fruit trees. Maybe she'd even call that landscaping service to put in stone paths and hybrid roses.

Finished with her candy bar, she wadded up the foil and paper and played with the stiff ball, tossing it from palm to palm. After everyone left tomorrow she'd plant tulips and pansies by the front steps, and paint the mailbox orange, while wearing her yellow striped dress. Nodding to herself and smiling, she could feel the warmth of the early afternoon sun, which had finally come out from behind the clouds. Yes, definitely the yellow dress for gardening.

More poetry

Here are a couple more poems, ones I like especially. Enjoy. -S

Breakup poem:

Back In Michigan

Back then - back there

You loved me

Cried over me even

Now you are over those hills

Out of mind

You know who you are

Back then - back there

You smiled at those people talking

Laughed with your squinty moon eyes, even

Now you are in the movie theatre

Out of sight

You know who you are

Back then - back there

You made cheap fun

Tried to dance even

Now you are down the street with my twin

Out of sight and mind

You don’t know me anymore.

9/92

Observation poem:

School Bus Leaving

As I drive behind

The big yellow bus

Its windy wake

Shakes the last brown leaves from the trees

A storm of crispy flutterings

Ashes

Scatter in pursuit of learning

Round yellow rooftop

Bends branches forward

Forcing them to

Give up the final coverings

Scraps of deer-colored rags flying

Landing

A carpet for the following car

se

10/29/01

One of the funniest raps I've seen

Although I don't watch SNL as much as I used to, I caught this one weekend and it just about made me pee. Two white guys rapping about going to the movies on the weekend. Enjoy!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An SNL Digital Short by .....Andy Samberg and .....Chris Parnell

Andy Samberg: Lazy Sunday, wake up in the late afternoon, Call up Parnell just to see how he’s doin’.
Chris Parnell: Hello?
Andy Samberg: What up Parnz?
Chris Parnell: Yo Samberg, what’s crackin’?
Andy Samberg: You thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?
Both: NARNIA!
Andy Samberg: Then it’s happ’nin’.
Chris Parnell: But first my hunger pangs are stickin’ like duct tape!
Andy Samberg: Then let’s hit up Magnolia, and mack on some cupcakes!
Chris Parnell: No doubt that bakery’s got all the raw frosting.
Andy Samberg: I love those cupcakes like Madame loves Gosling!
Chris Parnell: Two!
Andy Samberg: No, six!
Chris Parnell: No, twelve!
Both: Baker’s Dozen!
Andy Samberg: Yo, I told you that I’m crazy for these cupcakes, cousin!
Chris Parnell: Yo, where’s the movie, playa?
Andy Samberg: On the west side, dude!
Chris Parnell: Well, let’s hit up Yahoo! Maps to find the dopest route.
Andy Samberg: I prefer MapQuest!
Chris Parnell: That’s a good one, too!
Andy Samberg: Google Maps is the best!
Chris Parnell: True dat!
Both: Double true!
Andy Samberg: 68th and Broadway!
Chris Parnell: Step on it, sucka!
Andy Samberg: What you wanna do, Chris?
Chris Parnell: Snack attack, muthaf-----!

Both: The Chronic- What? -Cles of Narnia!
Yes the Chronic- What? -Cles of Narnia!
We love the Chronic- What? -Cles of Narnia!
Pass the Chronic- What? -Cles of Narnia!

Andy Samberg: Yo stop at the deli, the theatre’s overpriced!
Chris Parnell: You got the backpack?
Andy Samberg: Gotta pack it up nice!
Chris Parnell: Don’t want security to get suspicious!
Andy Samberg: Mr. Pibb plus Red Vines equals crazy delicious.
Chris Parnell: Reach in my pocket, pull out some dough.
Andy Samberg: Girl actin’ like she never seen a ten befo’.
Chris Parnell: It’s all about the Hamiltons, baby!
Andy Samberg: Got the snacks in the bag!
Chris Parnell: And I’m ghost like Swayze! (Pause) Roll up in the theatre,
Andy Samberg: Ticket buyin’s what we handle?
Chris Parnell: You can call us Aaron Burnes
Andy Samberg: From the way we’re droppin’ Hamiltons.
Chris Parnell: Bust up in our seats, Movie Trivia’s the illest!
Andy Samberg: “What Friends alum starred in films with Bruce Willis?”
Chris Parnell: Answer so fast that we’re scary!
Andy Samberg: Everyone stand to know when we scream
Both: MATTHEW PERRY!
Andy Samberg: Now quiet in the theatre or it’s gonna get tragic.
Chris Parnell: We’re ‘bout to get tickets to a dream-world of magic.

Both: The Chronic- What? -Cles of Narnia!
Yes the Chronic- What? -Cles of Narnia!
We love the Chronic- What? -Cles of Narnia!
Pass the Chronic- What? -Cles of Narnia!

Shaking my head over this one

From the AP wires today:

A defiant Saddam Hussein admitted in court Wednesday that he ordered the trial of 148 Shiites eventually executed in the 1980s, but he insisted that doing so was legal because they were suspected in an assassination attempt against him. "Where is the crime? Where is the crime?" Saddam asked.

I'll answer that one. When you're randomly razing the land and killing poor farmers because you want their property, just because you're the President and you can, that's a crime against humanness.

Here's some of the gals from the marketing department and me (in the red dress) having a good ol' time on the dance floor.

Two more poems

Flag

Fluorescent orange flag
At the top of the hill
screams for attention:

“I am dying!”

We glance
But no sooner we see it than
The flag has only its stem
Spokes of bones;
When it has disrobed its life
draped on the ground at its roots

10/91


Sleepy Day on the Water

I let
The boat
Rock me
To a
Dream state

When you
Caught fish
I woke
To see
Your smile

Think of
The tap
Of waves
On hull
Or beach

To help
Sleep now
Tonight

7/16/02

A poem by a friend of mine - reactions?

Everything and nothing
Talk. Talk. Talk.
Comfortable silence holds the sting
Of love

Awkward and elegant at once
They fumble for words best left alone
Just a touch, nothing more
It can speak more than a library of books

And it's that couple that draws the envious looks
They enshrouded in their invisible bliss
Their hearts carry others' hopeful hooks
That they will also know such love and not miss

Some more poetry

Fog

Fog lay high over the road
A bridge for the ghost pets
So they can be safe crossing
Turtles, frogs,
Cats, dogs
Even the snakes
Saunter over and disappear
With the sunlight

10/11/05
sme

In-between times

Stars still twinkling
Moon shining bright against the black center

But twilight sky has edges of palest pink
That hopes to become peach, then light orange
Morphing into the full arching
Warmth and blue of day

Sunset sky grays the light
Cools the air and brings up wet smells
Browns the earth
Gradually becoming blackness of evening

You and I live in those in-between times
A few minutes out of the twenty-four hour days
When the light on the horizon pushes the stars away
When the dark holds the moon until it is overwhelmed with sun
You can’t watch the twilight leave
Or the sunset come
It’s constantly moving, faster than we can see

sme
10/18/05